My Mind's Mayhem
by Euregatto
Summary: Zangetsu and Hichigo's mayhem is always giving Ichigo a really bad headache. RANDOM drabbles only for seriously BORED people. You have been warned... and we're back!
1. Break Dance

Hichigo poked Zangetsu with a stick. "ZanZan! Wake up!"

"Go away you blasted huligan!" Zangetsu snapped, "I'm not sleeping! Can't you see I'm meditating?!"

Hichigo shrugged, "How am I supposed to know if you're asleep or not? it looks like you are."

"Well if it looks like I am then don't--nevermind!" Zangetsu turned away, "Why do you insist on being such an annoyance?"

Hichigo didn't answer and instead started aplying with Zangetsu's hair. "What are doing?" Zangetsu asked.

"Braiding your hair. It's so lush! Do you use Herbal Essences? Or L'oreal?"

"Neither!" Zangetsu pulled away, "Now go away! Shoo!" He wafted his hands at Hichigo who pouted. "You don't know how to have fun. Say, I know! Let's have a break dancing competition!"

"There is no way in Hell I am having a break dancing competition with you!"

"I'll give you a cookie."

"What kind?" Zangetsu eyed him curiously.

Hichigo grinned, "White chocolate macadamean nut."

"I'm in!"

---

"Kurosaki?!" Ms. Onsho glowered to the student who was face down on his desk. "Are you alright?"

"Head...ache...!" Ichigo muttered weakly, unable to pick himself up.

A sweat drop slid down the back of Rukia's head. "Maybe you should see the nurse..." she suggested.

"They're playing Lady Gaga... I hate her..."

"...no comment..."


	2. Games

"ZanZan~ I wanna play a game~!"

"Leave me alone!" Zangetsu barked, turning away from Hichigo as he held up a gamebox that read CANDYLAND. "I refuse to play such a childish game with you!"

"Then we'll play dress up!" Hichigo chimed.

"Never!"

"Oh come on, ZanZan! You'll look adorable in a frilly dress!"

"No!"

"OK fine, a teardrop dress!"

Zangetsu shook his head stubbornly.

"A blue teardrop dress? With pink high-heels?"

Zangetsu folded his arms back against his cheat. "Nope."

"Oh, come on ZanZan! You can be soo mean sometimes! Then let's have a tea party!"

"NO! And stop calling me ZanZan!"

"ZanZan-chan~~!!!"

Zangetsu grabbed at Hichigo but he jumped back. "You are a genious, ZanZan! Tag! Why didn't I think of it before?!"

Hichigo dashed off, calling back, "You're it!"

Zangetsu's shoulders began to steam.

---

"Why won't you two shut up?!" Ichigo hit his head against the wall.

Karin gave her brother a WTF expression, "Nii-san, are you OK?"

"Head...Ache...!" Ichigo rubbed his brow up and down on the wood until smoke began to rise.


	3. Ice Pops

"ZanZan~"

"No."

"ZanZan~"

"I said no."

"But why not, ZanZan-chan~?"

"Because I don't want it."

Hichigo stuck the cherry flavored ice pop in Zangetsu's face for the umpteenth time and he just turned away.

"But ZanZan-chan~~" Hichigo strode around him and offered out the snack food again, "It's gonna melt! I can't eat it!"

"And why is that?" Zangetsu twsited his head away from the ice pop.

"I already ate mine! It wouldn't be fair if you didn't have one!"

"Feed it to a squirrel for all I care! I don't want it!"

"But you still won't get one! Aw, come on, ZanZan~ It's melting!"

"So what?" Zangetsu stormed off, but Hichigo stalked after him like a starving pup, still waving the cherry-flavored ice pop in the air.

"But ZanZan...!"

"No!"

------

Yuzu studied her brother usurely as he stormed over to the freezer.

_He's been having a lot of headaches lately... I hope he's alright..._

Ichigo scratched his cheek and yanked the freezer door open, aware that his sibling was watching him from the table..

There was an sealed box of tropical flavored ice pops.

_Maybe a brain freeze would shut those two up for a few moments and get rid of my headache..._


	4. Bandaid

"It hurts, ZanZan!"

"Stop being such a cry baby!"

"But it hurts~~~~~!!!!"

"I don't care! Just stop whining about it to me!"

"ZANZAN-CHAN!!"

"WHAT?!"

"It hurts!!" Hichigo flashed his small wound on his finger in a very pissed off Zangetsu's face.

"It's just a papercut! Now stop acting like a brat!"

"Kiss it for me!"

"Why the hell would I do that?!"

"It'll make me feel better!"

"Never!"

"Please??!!!"

----------

Ichigo tapped the blunt edge of his Zanpakuto, hoping the duo would shut up.

_Maybe I should go in there and handle this myself. Nah, too much work. Knowing them they'll keep at it._

Renji strode over to him, waving a bandaid in the air, "OI! Is this what you need?!"

"Mine!" Ichigo snatched it, ripped the plastic apart and stuck the bandaid to a random area on Zangetsu.

"Is that better?!" He snapped to the air.

_"Yes!" _rang Hichigo's voice.

Renji, meanwhile, broke out in a cold sweat.

_That's one way to get rid of a headache..._


	5. Control

Hichigo began to fume.

He started stomping around, "Why do ZanZan and Ichigo get to have all the fun?! I wanna fight too! I wanna fight! I wanna fight!"

He pasued, "Hey, I know!"

A light bulb popped up over his head. It was off. He flicked it and it struggled to turn back on before burning out.

Hichigo smacked it over to a random somewhere. "As I was saying before, I know! I'll just take over the fights! That way ZanZan and I can fight and not Ichigo and ZanZan!"

It was brilliance.

"After all, ZanZan-chan does like me better."

Hichigo skipped down the building side gracefully, "I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart!"

He ran right into Zangetsu. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, ZanZan-chan! There you are! I'm gonna go control Ichigo so we can fight together and you won't have to worry about a weakling like him slowing you down!"

"The battle's over. Try again later."

"Dammit! Oh well, I guess we're gonna have to play duck duck goose until then."

"Like hell that's ever gonna happen!"

-----

Ichigo dropped to the ground, his headache starting to come back.

He had just lost to Grimmjow, 6th Espada.

A tattered Grimmjow arched an eyebrow. _This guy is supposed to be a threat to us but he can't even handle a headache?_


	6. Where's ZanZan?

Hichigo glanced around. "ZanZan? Where'd you go?"

No response.

He frowned deepy and rubbed his chin.

Where could Zangetsu possibly have gone?

There wasn't anywhere to hide, really. "ZanZan-chan?!"

It was kind of weird, actually.

Maybe it had something to do with the last battle Ichigo had?

After all, he did use Ban Kai and Zangetsu disappeared right after that...

Hichigo suddenly struck an idea, then yelled into the sky, "ICHIGO YOU MORON! YOU USED BAN KAI AND NOW ZANZAN IS GONE!!"

-----

Ichigo nearlly tripped down the steps hearing Hichigo's insult so suddenly.

"Shut up!" Ichigo smacked the side of his head, "Alright, that's it! I'm getting rid of you so I can get Zangetsu back!"

_"ZANZAN!! WHY?!!!"_

"Because of you you dilweed!"

_"You're the dilweed, Dilweed!"_

At the same time Isshin came flying out of nowhere, landing a kick on Ichigo's back and sending him down the steps.

-----

Hichigo flinched. "I guess he doesn't need me to get a headache, huh?"


	7. Getting Help

Ichigo dropped to Shinji Hirako's feet.

The Vizard arched an eyebrow, "Are you alright?"

"Head...Ache..."

"Is it that Hollow inside of you?"

"What do you think?!" Ichigo jumped up, "He won't stop fuming because he doesn't have Zangetsu to annoy! You have got to help me control this thing!"

_"I am not a thing! I have feelings too ya know! And that hurt!"_

"I don't care," Ichigo muttered under his breath.

_"ZANZAN!" Sobbing._

Shinji wagged his head, "It's not that simple, ya know."

"I don't care what it takes I just have to get this thing out of my head!" Ichigo slapped his palm to the side of his brow.

_"I already told you I'm not a thing! You lower my self-esteem!"_

"Good," Ichigo whispered.

_"Damn you!"_

Hirako frowned, "Seems you have a weird one in your head."

"You have no idea."

_"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!"_

"Careful, Hirako, he's getting pissed. Though, I don't think he can actually do anything..."

_"ICHIGO!!!! ZANZAN!!" More sobbing._

"He's such a cry baby..." Ichigo mentioned.

"A real headache in your life, huh?"

Ichigo nodded, his head throbbing under Hichigo's rage.


	8. Lonely

Zangetsu stared up at the sky.

Hichigo was no longer a pain.

He just no longer existed in Ichigo's mind.

It made everything relatively lonely, strangely enough.

-----

Ichigo stared up at the ceiling, his gaze burning holes thru the wood.

It had been a week since he had had his last headache.

The Vizard taught him how to control Hichigo and his rampaging, so now everything was quiet.

_"I kinda miss his ranting..."_

"Really?"

_"AS IF!"_

"I knew you wouldn't miss him."

"Everything's quiet now. It's actually kind of spooky."

"Right... Well then, I have school in the morning so... Night!"

"...Hichigo..."

"Oh for the love of--!" Ichigo just flipped over on his bed and buried his head under the pillow.

Zangetsu's unneccessary wollowing was giving him a major headache.

-

**NOTE: **I've decided to continue this with a bunch of random shorts, so this actually isn't the end. All the ones posted after this are **before** Ichigo goes to the Vizard for help. Hope you enjoyed so far ~Sam

PS: no idea when the next update is gonna be...


	9. Marbles

NOTE: It's a tweaked suggestion by **ride-nationwide. **Thanx!~Sam

**---**

"Look what I got, ZanZan!" (Yes, it isn't proper grammer I know XD)

"Are those...?"

"Marbles? Yes, yes they are."

Hichigo jiggled the bag of solid rainbow balls in his hand. "I figured these would give Ichigo a _really _bad headache. And when he yells at us in public, everyone would think he's lost his marbles!"

"How lame," Zangetsu stated, "I mean, Ichigo is smart enough to know when to yell at us and when not to."

"What makes you so sure?"

"The fact that _I _just said so."

"Touche..."

Zangetsu highly doubted Hichigo would pull this stunt off, but then again: with him, anything destructive and disorderly was possible.

Hichigo untied the string from the bag and dug in the pouch, pulling out a bright green marble; then a redish-orange one, "HEY ICHIGO?! I think you've lost your marbles!"

----

Ichigo's headache only got worse as the two balls rattled on the floor in his mind.

"You know," he muttered, "you should try this again when I'm actually in public!"

Ichigo motioned around the room as if Hichigo would see it.

_"DAMMIT!"_

_"Nice fail." _Zangetsu stated.


	10. Movies

"I've decided we shall watch a movie! Now then, I have three that I'm actually in the mood to see."

Hichigo held up the movies to Zangetsu who just blinked and read the titles aloud, "Good Luck Chuck. Pokemon: The return of Mewtwo. Barney: How to be gay."

"That's not what it says!" Hichigo skimmed the Barney DVD case. "Oh... It seems you're right..."

"I don't want to watch a movie."

"You never want to do anything! You're never any fun ZanZan-chan!"

"Maybe because everything you suggest is stupid!"

"That hurt..." Hichigo clutched his shirt right above his heart, "Right here. Right here...! Pain...!"

Zangetsu rolled his eyes skyward and just turned away.

"It's not like we can watch any of them anyway," he mentioned, "We don't have a TV."

"Ichigo can do it for us! He can just pop these babies into a DVD player!"

-----

"Like Hell I am!" Ichigo snapped.

The students all glared at him and the teacher adjusted her glasses.

Ichigo broke out in a cold sweat, "Uhm... For the sake of tacos you won't give me a detention?"


	11. S'mores!

"Can we?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Come on, ZanZan-chan! You'll enjoy it!"

"There is no way--in hell--I am going to make these so called s'mores with you."

"I heard they're tasty! Just roast these puffy white things then put it between two brown crackers and add some of this black stuff!" Hichigo held up the ingridients.

Zangetsu rolled his eyes. "I think you mean Marshmallows, Graham crackers, and chocolate."

---

"It's Marshmellow, Brainiac," Ichigo corrected. "And don't you dare light a fire! My headache is bad enough as it is!"

Chad arched an eyebrow at his friend.

---

Hichigo whined, "Oh don't be such a bore, Ichigo! It'll be fun!"

_"Not for me!"_

"You are such a drag!"

_"Zangetsu, kick him for me."_

"With pleasure."

---

_"OW! You're all so mean!"_

Ichigo grinned with triumph, "You're the one giving me a headache."

Chad sighed, "Do they ever shut up?"

"Nope. Not even when I go to sleep."

"That must be annoying."

"It's been passed that level for quite a while now."


	12. Hairbrush

"BUT ZANZAN-CHAAAAANNNNN!!!!!"

"What?!"

"I really REALLY WANNA!!!"

"Too bad. You can't."

"WHHHYYYYY????!!!!!"

"Because you keep acting like a spoiled brat!"

Hichigo held up the hairbrush and pink hair ties, "Why won't you let me do your hair, ZanZan? I promise to make it look all better!"

"My hair is fine!" Zangetsu snapped.

---

Ichigo stared at himself in the mirror. "Will you guys quit it all ready? I brushed my hair now I have to go to school! WITHOUT A HEADACHE THIS TIME!"

_"Ichigo! Make ZanZan play with me!"_

_"NO! Back! Stay away from me!"_

Ichigo sighed, "Nevermind..."

_"What do you mean, nevermind?! I need your help to duct-tape ZanZan to this chair, Ichigo! If not I don't think I can do his hair right!"_

"That's between you two."

_"I said back! Wah! Cha! Back! Away! Not another step closer! Stop! Hault! Freeze!"_

_"But ZanZan it'll be fun~!"_

_"NNNNOOOOOO!!!!"_

Ichigo hit his head on the sink, "Shut...up...!"


	13. Stick Figures

"How about this one?"

"No."

"This one?"

"No."

"OK...This one then!"

"No."

"Aw! Come on, ZanZan! Pick one!"

"No."

Hichigo held up another one of his colorful stick figure drawings, "OK, so you like this one best?"

"No."

"Gah! Ichigo!"

"What do you want?" Ichigo was sitting next to Zangetsu. He decided to do one of those 'Talk With Your Zanpakuto' moments and wished he hadn't.

"Can you pick one?!" Hichigo flashed almost all twenty rainbow pictures in the Substitute's face.

"I don't want to."

"Come OOONNN!!!" Hichigo was getting agitated, "You guys are never any fun!!"

"Whatever," Ichigo stood and brushed himself off, "All I know is that I have school tomorrow so I'm gonna go."

"BUT IIIIIIIIIIIICCCHHHHIIIIIIIIIGGGOOOOOOO!!!!"

"No buts! Yeesh! I'm getting a headache!"

"You always have a headache!!"

"Because of you!"

Hichigo flapped his hand, "Oh please, King, stop pitting the blame on me! I'm not the problem!"

"Yes you are..." Ichigo growled.

"That's what you always say!"

"Because it's true!"

Zangetsu just sat back and watched the two duke it out. _Hm... I wonder if any of the Vizard's hollow halves drew like a two-year-old..._


	14. Ice Cream

(Takes place during episode 235. when Muramasa invades Ichigo's soul)

Zangetsu was gone for the time being, but that didn't stop Hichigo from being his normal self.

Muramasa had successfully ripped Hichigo from Ichigo's soul, and was staring him in the face. "So this is the source of that power..."

Hichigo stared around, "Ichiiiiiiiigoooooo! Where's ZanZan-chan? And who the hell is this guy? Did you sell ZanZan for ten bucks and this guy? Cuz I think ZanZan was better..."

"WHAT?!" Ichigo snapped, "Why the hell would I do that?! If anything I would've traded you!"

"Meanie!" Hichigo flashed his tounge and then turned to Muramasa, "Yo! Do you wanna play Twister with me?" He held up the game board.

Muramasa arched an eyebrow, "**This** is the source of your power...?"

"Nope! ZanZan-chan is! But he's gone somewhere..." Hichigo's expression dropped--and he ran around in circles, tears erupting from his eyes like a waterfall, "I WANT ZANZAN!!!!!!"

Ichigo sighed, "I warned you, Muramasa. Now he won't shut up..."

Muramasa turned away, "I'm just gonna go. You two are awkward."

"ICHIII!! I want ice cream! I want ice cream!"

"Shuddup you whiney brat!"

The Rouge Zanpakuto spirit looked back at them. _No way. This can't be the source of his power... It's too childish. How...strange..._

"MuraMura-chan!" Hichigo jumped and latched to his leg, "Get my ice cream!"

"Get off of me."

"PWEASE?!!"

"No."

Ichigo got to his knees, "Hichigo, come here boy. I have a bog biscuit!"

Hichigo instantly sprang at Ichigo and tackled him to the floor, "Treat! I want it!"

"Calm down and quit giving me a headache and then I'll give it to you!"

"BUT KIIIIIINGGG!"

"NOW!"

Muramasa sighed and went off. He had better things he could've been doing.


	15. Coffee

"ZANZAN-CHAN!!"

"What now?" Zangetsu was slightly afraid of Hichigo's response.

"LOOK!" Hichigo flashed the cup, "I HAS COFFEE!!"

"That explains why you haven't slept in six days and are slightly more annoying than usual."

Hichigo started a giggle fit, "Guess what ZanZan? Tee-hee..."

"Do I want to know?"

"Hee...Tee-hee... Hee... I have coffee... Tee-hee..."

"Why do I hang out with you?"

_"It's not like you have choice. You're stuck with him just as much as I am."_

"Shut it, Ichigo," Zangetsu growled. He began to devise the top one-hundred methods to destroy Shirosaki. 100: Throw him in a closet. 99: Throw him in a closet with a rabid squirrel. 98: Throw him in the closet tied up with two rabid squirrels and some land mines.

Oh how long this list was going to be...

"ZanZan... Heehee... Zan. Zan. Zan. Zan. Zan. Zangetsu. Zangetsu. Zangetsu. Zangetsu. Zangetsu. Zangetsu. Zangetsu. ZanZan. ZanZan. ZanZan. ZanZan. ZanZan. ZanZan-chan. ZanZan-chan. ZanZan-chan. ZanZan-chan..."

"WHAT?!"

"Hi."

"You've been watching too many episodes of Family Guy."

"Teehee..."

"Now lay off the caffine!"

"NO!" Hichigo took a long swing of his tounge-scaulding drink, "MAKE ME!"

"NOW!"

"NO!"

97: Steal his coffee stash.


	16. Trick Or Treat

"Pwease?"

"No."

"Pwease?"

"No."

"Pwease ZanZan-chan?"

"No."

"WHY?!" Hichigo held up the candy bag in the shape of a pumpkin in one hand, and the bunny costume in the other, "Why won't you go trick-or-treating with me?"

"One: We're stuck in Ichigo's head. Two: I refuse to wear such a stupid-ass costume. Three: I will NOT be seen haning around YOU. Four: Trick-or-Treating is for little kids. Five: I don't feel like moving."

"BUT ZANZAN!!" Hichigo whined. He himself was wearing a bumble-bee suit, "I really wanna go!!"

"Save it," Zangetsu snarled and turned away, "You can't any way you look at it."

"You're so mean! Ichigo gets to go!"

"That's because he physically can and his dad is making him take Yuzu."

"WAH!!"

"Now I know you're not crying..."

Hichigo dropped to the floor and began to kick around like a spoiled child, "I WANNA GO TRICK-OR-TREATING ZANZAN-CHAN!! I WANNA GET SOME CANDY!! WAHH!!"

"Shut... up...!" Zangetsu growled and jammed his fingers into his ears, "Where's the earplugs when you need them?!"

* * *

"I'm getting another headache you two!" Ichigo snapped. "Zangetsu! Give the idiot some candy!"

"_I don't have any!"_

"Then get some!"

_"HOW?!"_

"Figure something out! Just...please, shut. him. up!"

There was a sharp splat. _"OW! ZanZan! That hurt!" _Another one. Then five more in a row.

"_OWIE!!"_

_"Ichigo... I found my paintball gun."_

**Happy Early Halloween Everyone!**


	17. Candy

"B-But, ZanZan-chan~~~!! It's really, REALLY, really, REALLY, really, REALLY, really, REALLY, really tasty!"

"I'm lactose intolerant."

"BUT IT'S REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD!!" Hichigo waved the bag of M&M's around in the air, "THEY'RE CHOCOLATE GOODNESS IN SMALL BITE-SIZED HARD-SHELL COATINGS!!"

"I hate you with all my heart," Zangetsu remarked and took the bag from Hichigo, "Fine, I'll try some."

"YAY!" Hichigo gestured for a hug but Zangetsu shot him a cold glare. "Er... If you do have a life-threatening reaction I know CPR!"

"CPR does nothing..." Zangetsu ripped open the bag to a random assortment of blues, greens, reds, yellows, oranges, and even brown. "...Are you sure this is safe?"

"Of course!" Hichigo slapped Zangetsu's shoulder.

"How would you know that?"

Wrong question. Something flashed in Hichigo's eyes. "Do you really want to know?..." His grin spread wider, "IT'S INSTINCT!"

Zangetsu jabbed his finger over Hichigo's shoulder, "Or could be those thirty-four bags of candy you ate already."

"Teehee...Chocolate~"

THe Zanpakuto heaved a sigh, "I didn't get to write my last will..." And popped a single M&M into his mouth...

-------

Ichigo hit his head against the desk, hearing Zangetsu start choking on the candy.

_"No! I must apply CPR!"_

_"Gulp... It's out! I got it!"_

_"Lay down!"_

_"W-What the hell are you doing with me?!"_

_"CPR just be safe!"_

_"AH! NO!! ICHIGO! Keep your mouth away from me! No! Stop!"_

Ichigo's headache gave him a stomachache as well.


	18. Jaws!

"...ZanZan...ZanZan...ZanZanZanZan--"

"How many times do I have to tell you NOT to sing the "Jaws" theme using my name?"

"5,490 times, ZanZan-chan!"

"This makes 5,491. Don't do it!"

"And that's just the start of the day!" Hichigo continued his steady pacing around Zangetsu, "ZanZan...ZanZan..." Zangetsu jabbed both fingers into his ears to drown him out. "Zangetsu! Zangetsu!"

"Kill me... Please..."

_"Do you think you two could avoid giving my headache on Thanksgiving Day? Please? For once?!"_

"ICHIGO!! ICHIGO!! IchiIchiIchiIchi--"

Zangetsu drop-kicked Hichigo into the floor, "That means you need to shut up. NOW."

"But its not Thanksgiving yet!" Hichigo remarked, "Which reminds me! Zan, are you ticklish?"

"...Pretending like that wasn't a weird question... No. No I'm not."

"You say no to everything!"

"I wonder why."

Hichigo poked Zangetsu in the side and he jumped back, "Hey! What do you think you're doing?!"

"I knew it! You are ticklish, ZanZan!"

"No, I just don't appreciate you touching me--"

"POKE!" Hichigo jabbed his finger into Zangetsu's side again.

"STOP THAT!"

"POKE!"

--------

Ichigo slammed his book closed.

"Maybe an Tylenol will help my headache..."


	19. Mistletoe

My friend made up the lyrics XD Merry Christmas everyone!!

* * *

"Jingle Bells~ Jingle Bells~ Jingle all the way~! Oh what fun it is to ride on a pair of broken skiis!~"

Zangetsu slapped his hand over his face. The only thing worse than Hichigo was Hichigo singing. The only thing worse then Hichigo's singing was Hichigo singing Christmas Carols. The only thing worse than that was him making up his own words to the song.

And the one thing even more unbearable than that was him reinacting an episode of Barney.

"Dashing through the snow on a pair of broken skiis~ Over the hills we go, crashing into trees~! The snow is turning red, I think I'm almost dead~ And If I crash into one more house I'll get stitches in my head~! Oh, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells--"

Zangetsu nailed him the face with a fluffy red stocking, "Shut up! It was bad enough that you brought a Christmas tree into Ichigo's mind, but now you're singing!"

"You know, ZanZan," Hichigo said, "It's only instinct to celebrate the holidays! Besides, this means eggnog, and candycanes, and mistletoe!" He pointed to the small green decoration above his own head, "And hot chocolate, and cookies, and presents! I love presents!"

"Ichigo..." Zangetsu muttered, "Isn't this annoying?"

_"Oh no really?!"_

"No need to be so stingy."

-------

Hitsugaya arched an eyebrow at Ichigo talking to himself while he hung a wreath on the door.

"Kurosaki, don't you get headaches?"

"What do you think?!"

_"There you go getting all stingy again."_

"Shuddup, Zangetsu!"

_"Look ZanZan-chan! Mistle toe!"_

_"No, you stay back! Keep that thing away from me!"_

_"But ZanZan, you were standing underneath the mistle toe, and you know what that means~"_

_"**NOOOOOOO**!!"_

Ichigo slammed his head against the wall; Toshiro sweat-dropped.


	20. Crossing the Line

the fireworks idea was tweaked by me, but originally suggested by **Mimi-Ride-Nationwide. MariaAlyse **came up with the control-for-a-day thing. Suggestions are open.

* * *

Zangetsu stared around Ichigo's warped world. It was quiet for once. Almost too quiet... no. Where was Hichigo? Zangetsu knew better than to let his gaurd down. This wasn't heading anywhere good...

...Hm...

"ZANZAN-CHAN!!!" and he was_ glomped_ by the excessively excited Hollow Half, "Happy New Year!! ZOMG This is SOOOOOO exciting! I mean, a New Year and all that fun stuff! Look what I got!"

He released the violated Zanpakuto and wipped out a crate of firecrackers. "Well? How about some fireworks?"

_"Don't even think about it!"_ Ichigo snapped.

"But it'll be fun!!" Hichigo whined, he dropped the box just so he could flail his arms, "FUN! FUN! FUN! FUN! FUNFUNFUNFUN--!"

"WE GET IT!" Zangetsu barked.

Hichigo lit a match, "Whoot! Fireworks!" And dropped it into the crate.

Zangetsu's eyes grew wide, "NOOOO!!!"

**_BOOM!!_**

---**A few days later...**

Hichigo clapped his hands together, "Yay! Ichigo's finally getting out of the hospital! I'm soooooooooo glad he like woke up from his coma and stuff!"

Zangetsu was suddenly towering over the priss, "Hichigo. You've crossed **so** _many_ boundaries with that last antic! There's only one thing left now to do..."

Hichigo brightened, "Dance?!"

"No... I'm afraid to say this, but there's only one thing that can cure you of your immaturity."

"...DDR?!"

"No. Ichigo, are you ready for this?"

_"Nope."_

"Hichigo, we've decided to let you control Ichigo for a day."

* * *

Next chapter, Hichigo controls for a day! what will happen? And why does Chad have to be involved in this? xD Happy New Year!


	21. Conquest! Part I

Mwahahaha! Thus begins Hichigo's conquest! _**Important Note**_: Ichigo does have control over his hollow powers, but what would that be without Hichigo? (smug grin)

**

* * *

Hichigo's Conquest to Achieving Nothing! Part 1: Let Go Control**

"Whoo-Hoo! I get Ichigo's body!!" Hichigo was only able to control Ichigo's Shinigami form, but it would have to do. After all, what better than stalking random people everywhere and making them believe he's their dead relative?

But the mask was annoying...

_"It's only for 24 hours," _Ichigo remarked from his inner world, "_So don't think you can try taking over the world."_

_"Knowing him, he could make it possible in the next five minutes."_

_"Try not to think about it, Zangetsu."_

"Now... Where to start...?" Hichigo swung the Zanpakuto over his shoulder. He could do whatever he wanted! But now that he was free, he couldn't think of what to damage first. "Ooooo! I know! I've always wanted to do this! BAN KAI!!"

_"Noooo! The End of the World has begun!"_

_"I told you five minutes."_

_"More like five seconds!"_

---

Nearby, Kensei Muguruma of the Vizards was sitting on a park bench, happy to be free of Mashiro Kuna's annoying presence. He felt the crushing spiritual pressure, and looked up to the see the blast of dark reiatsu erupt into the sky.

"Isn't that Ichigo? ...Wait, didn't we teach him to control his hollow half already? I thought was made it clear that it's not safe to practice in the open!" Kensei jumped up and brushed imaginary dust off his pants.

"Whelp, better go see what he's up too."

* * *

Yes, Kensei does get involved. And so will a few more of our favorite characters -evil grin- Whelp is a random word that I came up with in place of Well. It's so much fun to say!! C:

The chapters will probably be getting longer but after the conquest is over, it will go back to being a standard 200-400 words. ^_^


	22. Conquest! Part II

so soon after the first one, too XD

* * *

**Hichigo's Conquest to Achieving Nothing! Part 2: Outta Control**

"Yo! Ichigo! What are you doing?!" Kensei approached the Vizard who was swinging his Zanpakuto about and smashing random parts of the road. "Didn't we agree not to use our powers in the open?"

"Ken-chan!!" Hichigo spun around and to a very confused Kensei.

_"Ichigo, isn't that what Yachiru calls Zaraki?"_

_"Where do you think he picked it up from?"_

"Hi! I'm not Ichigo! King-sama let me control his body for a day because Zangetsu and I keep giving him headaches! ...Well, mainly me..." A smug grin spread across Hichigo's mask, "Say, since you're here, Kenny-chan, how about we breakdance to Caramelldansen?"

Kensei was already walking away, "I'll pass."

"BUT KEN-CHAN!!"

"Don't call me that!"

"You're such a meanie, Waffles!"

"Did you just call me... Waffles?"

_"Oh, no! Zangetsu, brace yourself!"_

_"Why?"_

_"You don't WANT to know how Kensei gets when he's pissed! Or when he doesn't have coffee in the morning!"_

Kensei drew his zanapakuto from his boot, swung it around on his finger, and faced the steaming Hichigo. "You sound just like **Mashiro**. **Mashiro** is _annoying_. I hate _annoying_."

Hichigo recalled the bouncing light-haired Vizard. "Sushi-chan isn't annoying!"

A sweat drop found its way down the back of Kensei's head, "You gave us all nicknames, didn't you?"

"Yup!" Hichigo started counting on his fingers as he recited the nicknames aloud, "There's Waffles (Kensei), Sushi (Mashiro), Midgie (Hiyori), TutTut (Shinji), Pancreas Man (Hachi), Brittany Spears Impostor (Rose), Jell-o Girl (Lisa), and Chris (Love)! and then there's King-sama! But sometimes I just call him Ichigo!"

Kensei was lost by now. "Uhm... What did you say you were on again?"

"TACOS!" Hichigo was running off in the distance, screaming about tacos and pudding.

"...I'm going to regret this, aren't I?" and Kensei ran after the Hollow to keep him from destroying randomly selected objects.

---

Toshiro Hitsugaya stared at the shop window display. It was jam-packed with random items on sale, but the Captain wasn't interested in window-shopping.

There was an ominous shadow creeping along the back of his mind... Something just wasn't right...

"WAAAAFFFLLLEEESSSS!!!" Ichigo went stampeding by, kicking up dust and debris behind him. "WITH CHOCOLATE SYRUP, CORN, AND KEEEEETCHUUUUP!! SUSHI-FLAVORED ICE CREEEEEEAAAMMMM!!"

A silver-haired man came jogging to a stop afterwards, calling, "YO! Slow down! You're gonna hurt someone, Hichigo!"

He turned to face the boy, and quickly said, "Shuddup! I'm not crazy!"

"Didn't say you were," Toshiro replied and stared at the black figure rampaging just down the road, "You know Ichigo?"

The man noticed the haori Toshiro was wearing, "Sadly enough. Don't talk to me, Shinigami!" And he stomped off after Hichigo again. "I don't like you and you don't like me so don't expect a conversation!"

Toshiro remained silent until he disappeared."...What was that all about?"


	23. Conquest! Part III

I was going to wait ti'll next month to update but I'm nice so I posted this early Because of 100 reveiws! Thanks so much everyone! :D

* * *

**Hichigo's Conquest to Acheiving Nothing! Part 3: Ugh... Nerds...**

Kensei scanned around, **praying** he would find Hichigo _somewhere _nearby. "Yo! Hichigo! Where'd you run off to?!" Wrong question.

"HEY WAFFLES!"

"Oh hell..."

Hichigo was waving from the top of a building nearby, "Looky! I found a ceiling door!"

"What? There's no such thing as a ceiling door!"

"Yuh-huh!" Hichigo opened the slanted door and Kensei sweat-dropped, "Let's go inside!"

"No! Get down from there!"

"Mommy!" A young kid pointed to the raging Kensei, "That guy is talking to himself!"

The mother grabbed her son's hand and dragged him off, "And that's why we don't talk to strangers, honey!"

Kensei groaned and dashed over to Hichigo anyway. He jumped onto te ceiling just as Hichigo stepped through the door. "No! Bad Hichigo! Step AWAY from the door!"

"Let's go, Waffles!" And Hichigo disappeared.

"Gah!" Kensei peeked into the open doorway. There was a winding staircase that lead down through a vortex of rainbows. "You have got to be kidding..." Kensei sighed and forced himself through the opening--

--there was a bright light that blinded the vizard. He finally opened his eyes... "WHAT THE HELL?!"

The ceiling door was actually a time warp machine that landed Kensei in the mideval times. Knights and horses walked around their base camp aimlessly. In the distance there was a bright pink castle decorated with flowers.

"Oh, f--"

"Waffles!" Hichigo appeared, "Check it out! Like my costume? I got it for Halloween!"

"Hichigo, why are wearing armor? More importantly, Halloween isn't for another year!"

"So?"

_"Zangetsu..."_

_"Yes?"_

_"Are we seriously in the mideval times?"_

_"I'm afraid so."_

_"Hichigo is so grounded when we get home..."_

Kensei rubbed his brow, "Kill me..."

"Goodday fellow newcomers!" A man approached them, "Welcome to the peaceful town of Cucumber, lead by our Lady Green! We are currently having problems with a dragon named Ronnie. Have you perhapd come to slay him for us?"

"Ooo! Slay!" Hichigo waved his Zanpakuto around, "Slay Ronnie!"

Kensei knew he was screwed and said, "Sure. Whatever."

"If you want, over there at that table--" The Man gestured to a group of knights dealing cards, "--the men like to sit down and play a good card game of Pokemon or Yugi-oh! Feel free to join them!"

"Ugh... Nerds..." Kensei peered around and realized Hichigo was already playing a game with the guys, "...How do I get out of here?"

"Make way for our Lady Green!" A voice boomed.

The man before Kensei gasped, "Quickly! Bow before the lady!" And he kneeled down. Kensei remained standing.

Everyone, including Hichigo, were kneeling as a woman appeared with two escorts on either side of her.

Kensei instantly recognized who it was. "YOU!"

* * *

Cliffhanger ftw.


	24. The Pancake Show

Sorry for not updating the last two months...

* * *

Hichigo: Hi everybody, and welcome to an episode of Hichigo's Pancake Show! If you're wondering what happened to Eure-chan and why we're taking a break from the conquest to do this quick chappie... Well, let's just say she won't be running this story anymore.

-banging from closet-

Zangetsu: Did you lock her in the--

Hichigo: NO! -shifty eyes- Anyway, with Zangetsu as my co-host, we're going to be doing our own reality TV show!

Zangetsu: No we're not.

Hichigo: WHY NOT ZANZAN-CHAN?!!!!?!

Zangetsu: 1) I didn't sign up for this. 2) I didn't sign up. Period. 3) Because we all know how you get when you're left in charge.

Hichigo: ...Meanie... -sniffle- For this episode, Ichigo over there tied to the chair in the corner with duct tape is going to tell us to figure skate with a taco! Ichigo!

Ichigo: ...I hate you both...

Hichigo: Well said, my dear King-sama! And now it's time for Zangetsu's segment... Who's that Pokemon?!

Zangetsu: Kill me. -holds up card with a black figure on it- Take a guess. any guess.

*cricket*

Hichigo: It's... Chuck Norris!

Ichigo: WTF?

-Eure breaks down door with Rocket Launcher in hand- Eure: Hichigo you *&%$*() little %^&* I'm gonna kick the %^&* out of you!

Hichigo: Zangetsu will save me!

-Zangetsu is gone-

Hichigo: I have another idea! -jumps on a unicorn backwards- Mush, McMuffin, Mush! paint with the wind!

McMuffin: ... -bucks Hichigo off and jumps out window-

Hichigo: ;~;

Eure: -aims rocket launcher-

Ichigo: Wait not when I'm in the line of--!!!!

-BOOM!! Ichigo and Hichigo go flying through the roof-

Hichigo: Looks like I'm blasting off for the first time ever...

Ichigo: ...I hate you...

Eure: Sorry about that everyone. I hope to get a new conquest chapter up next month... For now, have a great life!


	25. Conquest! Part IV

GAH this took me forever! Thanx to Zexion's Lover for helping me update!

* * *

**THE CONQUEST CONTINUES! Part 4: The final conquest!**

"It's you!" Kensei exclaimed, "Mashiro!"

Mashiro giggled, "Not just me! But there's Steve my goldfish!" She held up her large bowl. The pathetic excuse for a fish was belly-up at the top of the water.

"Fishy!" Hichigo clapped his hands together like an obssessive fangirl.

"That thing's dead!" Kensei barked, "Why the hell do you have a dead fish named Steve? See, and you wonder why we won't let you get a puppy!"

Mashiro hissed at him, "Sssh! Steve's sleeping! Don't wake him up or I'll sick Milkshake on you!"

Kensei scratched the back of his head, "Uh... Milshake is who now?"

"That's Milkshake!" Mashiro jabbed her finger over Kensei's shoulder, just as he was cast in a gloomy shadow. He dared to turn and look up--way up--at...

"Is that a giant cookie with wings?"

"Not just any cookie with wings! It's a giant TACO-flavored cookie with dragon wings!" The Vizard jumped up and down, dropping Steve to the ground and making his bowl shatter, "And she breathes fire!"

The cookie glared down at Kensei and flapped her wings, growling furiously.

Hichigo clapped his hands agian, "YAY it's a cookie! This is almost as awesome as that time King-sama got that freak Mayuri to make me a clone!"

"It was a standee," Kensei snarled, "You can get it from the store!"

Hichigo drew circles in the ground, "I can believe, can't I?"

The cookie suddenly extended her hidden talons and picked up Kensei, "Hey, put me down!" and with a mighty roar took off into the sky.

Mashiro waved, "BYE BYE KENSEI! SEE YOU LATER!"

Hichigo continued to clap his hands, "Hey, since Meanie face is gone do you want to get a pedicure?"

"ZOMG YES!"

**And thus puts an end to Hichigo's conquest. But, don't go away! What happens after the day is over?**

"Hichigo, you hired a Mariachi Band to sing Happy Birthday to BYAKUYA, but it's NOT HIS BIRTHDAY!" Ichigo slammed his head into the wall, "Ow, bad idea!"

_"Ichigo?"_

"WHAT DO YOU WANT, ZANGETSU?"

_"Ssh, Hichigo's sleeping."_

"Hm... Maybe I should do this more often..."

_"You really think so?"_

"HELL NO!"

**END. Ok, I'm going back to my random updates of random moments of random times durnig random days of Ichigo's life with ZanZan and Hichi xD PEACE OUT!**


	26. Happy Birthday

My friend yukihikari99 and kawaiikittey who gave me these ideas xD

* * *

"Happy birthday, Zangetsu!" Ichigo gestured his arms to the cake, "It's just the two of us for now!"

Zangetsu blinked at the large cake before him, "Uhm... Where's Hichigo?"

"I sent him to Burger King," Ichigo scratched the back of his head, "I told him about their motto so he's probably going to be there for a while..."

_Meanwhile, at Burger King..._

"What do you mean I can't have an army of fire-breathing gerbils named George and Rihanna?" Hichigo slammed his fist on the counter, "This is Burger King! I'm supposed to have it my way! And I want-no, I DEMAND!-for an army of fire-breathing Gerbils all named George and Rihanna!"

The woman blinked, "Sir, we serve food, not gerbils..."

"Fine, you made me bring out my lawyer! MCMUFFIN!" The unicorn approached Hichigo, "This is my lawyer McMuffin! He is going to evaluate your motto! 'Have it your way' my spleen! LIES I TELL YOU! _**LIES**_!"

_Back with Ichigo and Zangetsu..._

"Hichigo can't sue," Zangetsu remarked, "He doesn't even know two plus two!"

That was when Hichigo stormed up to them, tears leaking down his eyes with McMuffin following him like a loyal puppy, "I-It's not fair, ZanZan! King-sama, those guys were so mean to me! They threw me out on my butt and now it hurts!" He whimpered and his eyes bulged like something out of a chibi drawing.

"Suck it up," Ichigo scolded, but his jaw dropped when Zangetsu hugged Hichigo tightly, tears streaming down his own face.

"Its OK, Hichigo... They didn't mean to hurt you!"

Ichigo sighed and glanced at McMuffin, "How do you deal with him?"

"He grows on you," The Unicorn replied in a surprisingly deep and manly voice.

Zangetsu pat Hichigo's head, "What's two plus two?"

"P-Pizza!"

"Yes, good boy! Pizza!"

Ichigo's eyebrow twitched, "Oh, spare me the pain."

* * *

END. blah I need motivation and ideas for next chapter or I'll have to call this story quits... ;~;


	27. IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Dear Reader, do me a favor as you read this... Do not panic, and do NOT turn out the lights. I now turn this over to Ichigo.

"Hi there. You're probably wondering why it took so long to get this update in. Well, if you really must know... Giant mutant bunnies that can shoot fire from their arm pits came from the planet Smargle in the galaxy of Burnt Toast to borrow a cup of sugar so they could bake cookies out of kittens!"

Calm down, Ichigo. That's not the situation... this week.

"It isn't?"

No.

"Oh. Why am I freaking out again?"

Hichigo was turned into a baby and now he's lost somewhere in Soul Society (There goes the natural balance of things).

"AAAAHHHH!"

*crack* There, that should keep him out for a while. Now, in order for My Mind's Mayhem to continue Ichigo and I must infiltrate Seireitei and find Hichigo! How he wound up there I'm not sure... but I know it has something to do with Rukia! As tempting as it is to want to sit down in my recliner and eat popcorn while I watch Soul Society burn to the ground because of Hichigo, I must continue this fic so I need to get him back.

That could be a while, and I realize this... so the next few chapters are going to be the adventures of my life sucking because I'm stuck with finding Hichigo. I'm sure you'll find the utmost pleasure in watching general chaos ensue.

We all know if someone sane doesn't go with Ichigo to Seireitei it's not only going to burn, it's going to implode and open a rift in the time/space continuum and we'll all wake up in an alternate reality where Justin Beiber can actually sing and chickens can cross the roads without having their motives questioned!

Thank you for being understanding.

Oh, and Tatsuki might end up tagging along. I'm starting to fear for Ichigo's life right now. Maybe even Kenpachi's.

Until next time, bye bye!


	28. It's a Giraffe!

"Welcome one and all to _My Mind's Mayhem_: Certain Doom Edition! Joining us on this adventure will be **JadeKurosaki, **who has mysteriously been turned into a koala (google them if you don't what they are. They're fluffy :D).

Now, I want you to leave a reveiw on which captain we should annoy the hell out of first with this new adventure. :D

And finally, onward with-!"

Ichigo smacked me on the back of the head with the hilt of his zanpakto, "You suck, you know that? How in the world did you manage to turn Hichigo into a freaking _baby_?"

"I'm Euregatto! I can do whatever I want to in my stories!"

"..."

"Now stop complaining and lets go burn something!" I picked up Jade and placed her on my head, "And we're taking this koala with us too!"

Ichigo grabbed a shot gun and pressed the nozzle underneath his chin. "Good bye, cruel world! It's been fun!"

I quickly grabbed the weapon out of his hand. "Don't even think about it, you can do that _after _we get Hichigo. Besides, even if you do I can just bring you back to life."

"..."

"OK, stop giving me that look! Is there something on my face?"

"Just a hidious creature-never mind, it's just your face."

My eyebrow twitched. "Sick him, Jade." The koala jumped off my head and latched onto Ichigo's face.

"ZOMFGBBQ Get it off me!"

Because I'm Euregatto I magically warped Ichigo into a closet. "Now then, we will depart for Soul Society next chapter because I'm way too lazy to write right now, but because it's Halloween I'm going to do something epic!"

_In a far off parallel universe, Euregatto was taking a stroll through Halloween Town..._

I grabbed a Jack-O-Lanturn off the spiked fence as Jack stalked by. "Jack!" I exclaimed, "Can you sign my face?"

He stared down at me for a moment, "Are you one of Santa's helpers?"

"I wish."

"So you're not here to collect my rent?"

"...Uh, no."

"OK!"

_Back in this universe outside of Ichigo's house..._

"Here you go, Jade," I said and fed a piece of the pumpkin to the Giraffe who's head was sticking in through the window. "I kinda like you better as a Giraffe, anyway."

Ichigo's head had been bandaged up except for one eye and he stumbled around his room trying to find something to stab me with.

Happy Halloween! See you next month!


	29. Farewell

I'm sorry to say but I'm going to put an end to MMM with this chapter... note, thing. ;~; I've been getting ideas like crazy (and most of them are bloody brilliant!) but I just don't have any love for this story anymore... Shame on me , right? XD But don't worry, I'm going to be working on other fanfics and if you're into any of the following:

-Kingdom Hearts

-Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

-Bleach (Obviously if you're reading this story)

-Anything zombie/horror related such as Dead Rising or Resident Evil or Clock Tower

I am working on fanfics for them if you're interested. So, this is Euregatto signing off... and this mark the end of the _My Mind's Mayhem _series. I can feel my heart breaking :(

Sorry. Lots of love and cookies! Thanks for sticking through ti'll the end!

_-hugs a Jim Cook plushie- _Cookies for anyone who knows the Jim Cook I'm talking about XD

-_Eure_

_Ps: Keep checking back! Who knows, maybe I'll start to love this story again and then... maybe... this series will be updated just like old times._


	30. Or not! Taste the Rainbow ZanZan!

I just had to do this... XD dedicated to Shadownia for the... motivation, I think :3

* * *

**Taste the Rainbow**

"ZanZan!"

"No."

"ZanZan-chan!"

"NO."

"ZANZANZANZANZANZAN-CCCHHHHHAAAAAANNN!" Hichigo whined, turbo-poking Zangetsu in the side.

Zangetsu sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "What do you want?"

Hichigo twirled in circles, his sparkling red cocktail dress practically blinding the Zanpakuto through his shades, "Look what I found in Rukia-chan's closet! Isn't it pretty, ZanZan?"

"Take it off; you look like even more of an idiot than usual."

"But ZanZan!" Hichigo exclaimed, snuggling up to the man, "It's _magical_!"

Zangetsu pushed him away, "Magical, how?"

Hichigo grinned, "Hey ZanZan-chan... Grab my dress."

Without verbal complaint, Zangetsu cautiously (how did he know the dress wasn't going to eat him?) curled his fingers around the seams. The next thing he knew Hichigo was screaming, "TAKE FLIGHT ZANZAN-CHAN!" and they were blasting into the distance with a rainbow trailing behind them.

**...**

McMuffin stared quizzically at Ichigo face-down on the floor, hissing about his headache.


	31. Scarred For Life

Ichigo stared at the script in his hand, "I don't think we should be doing this."

Hichigo, riding McMuffin in the corner of Ichigo's room swinging his sword about, grinned, "But King! We need to tell all our fans out there about our future plans for this story!"

Ichigo sighed, "Well, since Euregatto is planning on bringing this story back..."

Hichigo was bucked off McMuffin and sailed out the window. Zangetsu, poised on the edge of Ichigo's bed skimming through a designer magazine, quirked an eyebrow as he flipped the page, "Oh, so she _is_ bringing it back now is she?" Outside glass shattered and a car alarm blared as Hichigo most likely face-planted the hood of the neighbor's van.

"She doesn't exactly have a choice," Ichigo dead-panned, "too much popular demand. She says it's a good thing since she has so many ideas running through her head now. She needed some support to keep going, and now that she got it she officially decided to continue. I still don't see how this benefits me."

Zangetsu thought about it for a moment, "So what _has_ she been doing on top of planning?"

"Other stories, I guess," Ichigo shrugged, "I don't know. I try to keep my distance because I know she's just dying to give me a headache."

Zangetsu stared up at him through his thin-rimmed glasses, "You mean you _don't_ know?"

Ichigo didn't like the sound of that. "Know what?"

Hichigo climbed back onto the sill, "Z-ZanZan-chan! Help me!" Zangetsu tossed the magazine over his shoulder and nailed Hichigo in the face, sending him toppling to the ground below.

"Zangetsu, what don't I know?"

The Zanpakuto spirit gave him an innocent look, "Well, since that Ginjou guy has come into the picture Eure's been a little... _tied up_ with constructing those one-shots she so loves to write."

That still didn't sound good. Ichigo swallowed the lump in his throat, "Zangetsu... show me," he pointed to his computer.

Zangetsu trekked over to the screen and typed and clicked through pages until he came across what he was looking for. Then he let Ichigo read over his shoulder.

"**EUREGATTO**!"

* * *

_Elsewhere..._

I sneezed suddenly. "Oh, it seems someone must be talking about me." Ginjou sneezed in turn after me. "Or both of us. That doesn't matter. So, Kugo, these are my plans for the future of _My Mind's Mayhem_."

The Fullbringer leaned over to examine my notes in my special notebook with MMM etched into the front cover. "So you're really going through with this?"

I nodded, "Yup, I feel terrible after disappointing everyone by ending the series before... plus, I miss my ZanZan-chan."

That was when my door was literally kicked off its hinges, nailing Ginjou in the face. I glaced up to the raging Ichigo, papers constricted in his vice grip, "YOU!" his eyes were ablaze. "I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU! How could you ever do something like this?"

I smirked, "Oh, so Zangetsu told you about my one-shots?"

"NOT JUST THAT. HE _SHOWED_ THEM TO ME." His nose was plugged with a tissue from when he probably got a nose bleed, "I can't believe you would ruin me like this! I thought you cared!"

I scoffed, "Ichigo, Ichigo... the last time I checked this story was about Hichigo and Zangetsu _annyoing_ you, wasn't that the most subtle hint that torturing you was twice as fun as keeping you sane?"

He considered that for a moment, "I still hate you."

"Good! You're especially going to hate me after this!" I flashed him the notes, "We're going all the way, Ichigo!" His eyebrow twitched. "It includes contests and prizes and going to random places and meeting all sorts of new characters and sugar!"

Ginjou sat up, clutching at the bruise forming on his forehead, "OW! Don't just barge in like that!"

"Like Ginjou here! So, here's how we're going to start..." I sat in my chair and folded my hands cunningly beneath my chin, almost in an Aizen-style, "You guys are going to Disney World!" Lightning flashed outside my window. "And there you will be warped into yet another universe, where you befriend that kid with the Keyblade who is trying to save the world from the darkness!"

Ichigo smacked the back of my head with the book and stormed over to Ginjou, "Did you read any of this?" He handed the papers to the man, who quickly looked them over.

He grinned, "Oh, yeah, I read these. What's so bad about them?"

Ichigo glanced over at me holding up my Keyblade. Like an explosive, he finally went off. "THAT'S _IT_! I **QUIT**!"

* * *

And so, _My Mind's Mayhem_ is back in business! Stay tuned! ...If we can ever convince Ichigo to take his job back.

"It's not like I was getting paid!"

That's right, Ichigo, no you weren't! :D


	32. Bed Time Stories

"Psst."

Silence.

"Psst, hey ZanZan?"

A small groan.

"Psssst, ZanZan-chan?"

Zangetsu rolled over.

"Pssssst, ZanZan-chan!"

Zangetsu ducked his head under the pillow.

"Pssssssssssssst! ZanZan-chan!"

"WHAT?" Zangetsu finally snapped, sitting up abruptly, "I AM TRYING TO CATCH MY BEAUTY SLEEP YOU CONFOUNDED IMBECILE!"

Hichigo was grinning, "ZanZan, I can't sleep." He held up a twenty-paged children's book possibly five times his own brain's weight "Read me a story?"

Zangetsu sighed, clawing at the crust that glued his eyes shut, "FINE! OK, fine...!" He snatched the pathetic book away from Hichigo, who instantly snuggled up to him cradling a McMuffin plushie. Zangetsu carefully placed his glasses in their proper position on his nose and flipped open to the first page. "Hichigo... this is _My Little Pony_."

"I know! Read it!"

"I'm not reading _My Little Pony_."

"Pwease?"

"No."

Hichigo's eyes swelled with tears. "B-b-b-b-b-b-but...!" Most kids would cry, but this was Hichigo; he would wail like a freaking siren, loud enough to shattered the glass of the buildings around them. "BUT ZANZAN! WAAAHHH!"

_"Shut him up Zangetsu!"_

"AND WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, ICHIGO?"

_"Read him the damned story!"_

"WAAAAHHH! ZANZAN IS A MEANIE!"

"Ugh..." Zangetsu cleared his throat, "FINE! I'll read it!" Hichigo's obnoxious screaming instantly died down, "Pinkie Pie loved to party. One day she decided to throw a party for all her friends in Ponyville..."

* * *

Ichigo groaned and wedged his head under his pillow. It was two in the morning and already he had a headache.


	33. Story Time with ZanZan Again!

"Do you like waffles~?"

Silence.

"Do you like pancakes~?"

Silence.

"Do you like... French Toast?"

Silence.

"Oh, come on ZanZan-chan you need to do the chorus!"

"I don't _need_ to do _anything_," The Zanpakuto hissed, contemplating throwing something at the Hollow's head. It was the most unspecial day of Zangetsu's life as Ichigo's Zanpakuto: trapped with the annoying counter part, bored, nothing to do but mentally list the many MANY different ways to kill Hichigo without anyone noticing...

Not that Ichigo would care.

Hichigo sighed, sprawling out on his stomach, "But ZanZan I'm bored!"

Zangetsu frowned, "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Buy me a puppy!"

"No."

"Kitten?"

"No."

"Hamster?"

"No."

"Squirrel?"

"No."

"Dragon?"

"Definitely not."

"Grimmjow?"

"No-wait what?"

"How about we play duck-duck-goose?" Hichigo turbo-poked him in the side, "I love that game ZanZan-chan! Let's play that!"

"I'm not playing such a silly game that obviously requires more than two people! NOW STOP TOUCHING ME!"

Hichigo collapsed on Zangetsu's lap belly-side up, using the farthest knee as a pillow, "ZanZan tell me a story!"

"No. I read to you almost every night for the past three weeks already."

"How about the one with the King and his loyal knights? I love that story!"

Zangetsu exhaled, bowing his head in defeat. Hichigo reached up and started playing with a portion of Zangetsu's hair as it fell out like a curtain. "Fine... Fine I'll tell you the story AGAIN."

Hichigo grinned, "Yay!"

Zangetsu gathered himself, "Once upon a time in a land located somewhere in the past tense..."

* * *

_Story continues next few chapters. Yay for story time! I want to draw that lap scene because it'd be absolutely freaking adorable! XD but I suck at drawing so there goes that... hm... anyway, on to the next chapter~_


	34. To Kingdom Come

"Eure-chan," Hichigo poked me in the side, "Aren't you supposed to be writing about ZanZan-chan's story?"

I slapped his hand away, "I'm supposed to be but I'm simply too distracted."

"Aw, but ZanZan tells such great stories!"

"I know, I know," I gave him a dog treat to keep him happy, "but I have a lot to do this month! I have to start this, and I have to update that, and I have to finish this, and I have to maintain that... I wish this writer's block would go away."

"Will you at least spread the word of ZanZan and I goin' trick-or-treating?" He asked hopefully as he nibbled on the end of his biscuit.

I exhaled an exasperated sigh, "That's going to be cataclysmic."

"At least share the first part of the story!"

"No."

"Please?"

"NO."

"Eure. Eure. Eure. Eure. Eure. Eure. Eure. Euregatto. Euregatto. Euregatto. Euregatto. Euregatto. Eure-chan. Eure-chan. Eure-chan. Eure-chan-"

**_"WHAT?"_**

"Pretty please with Yukio on top?" He lifted the irritated Fullbringer into his arms.

I massaged my throbbing temples, "Fine!"

Yukio squirmed in the uncomfortable grip, "Can you put me down now? I'm pretty sure this is assault."

I glanced at Zangetsu sitting on my bed with a bemused smirk plastered on his face, "Shut up! Get over here and start reciting the story before I throw out Hichigo's sugar stash!"

Hichigo gave me a flabbergasted look, "W-Why would you do such a horrible thing?"

"Because I can."

Zangetsu cleared his throat, "Back on topic. Once upon a time in a land somewhere in the past tense..."

* * *

_The Medieval city of Karakura was once ruled by a very noble king named Ichigo Kurosaki. The Thirteen Knights of the Round Table were granted control of different branches of guards that protected Karakura. It was dangerous to travel outside of Karakura's walls without escorts from the guards because of the creatures lurking around after dusk._

_One day King Kurosaki received a distress signal from the King of Seireitei, the closest city. He said it was urgent and to send over two of his best knights._

_Of course, the first person chosen was a noble knight named Zangetsu._

"Zangetsu," Ichigo addressed the dark-haired man kneeling before him, "I want you to answer the call. Ride out to Seireitei at the break of dawn tomorrow!"

"As you wish," Zangetsu bowed his head. _I am the King's best... so long as my partner does not slow me down, I shall prove my loyalty!_

"And as for a companion..." Ichigo tapped his chin, "Maybe Hitsugaya would like to go-"

"Mememememememememe!" Hichigo Shirosaki, Ichigo's half-brother, exclaimed from across the throne room. He waved his arm wildly about, heavy armor clanging with each bounce, "Pick me King-sama!"

"Hichigo, you are not capable of handling such a dangerous mission."

"But King-sama!" He whined, "It is not a dangerous mission! We don't have to slay any dragons!"

"You do not know that," Ichigo wagged his finger, "As such you-"

"PLEASE?" Hichigo bounded up to him, getting down on both knees and shoving Zangetsu aside, "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEAAAASSSEEEE?"

Ichigo rubbed at his brow as a headache started to come on, "Yes. You may go!"

"HOORAY!"

Zangetsu died a little on the inside.


	35. To Kingdom Come II

_ATTENTION. I finally fixed my laptop so I will be able to update again! If it decides to stop crashing at random points that'd be even better..._

There were three knocks on my door. "Eure?" Three more. "Eure?" Three more. "Eure?"

"ZANGETSU!" I snapped, startling the Zanpakuto spirit poised on my bed with a gamer's magazine, "You let Hichigo watch Big Bang Theory, didn't you? I told you he would pick up on that annoying door knock Sheldon does!"

Zangetsu frowned, "But don't you do it too?"

"Shut up, you don't know anything about anything!"

"And you know everything about everything then?"

_Knockknockknock. _"Eure?" _Knockknockknock. _"Eure?"

"As a matter of fact I do!"

"Then why is the Lorax orange?"

_Knockknockknock. _"Eure-chan?"

I faultered, "Erm, well, I said I know everything about everything, not everything about everything about everything!"

He arched in eyebrow, "Mm-hm, whatever you say..." His eyes trained back on the page, "Can you please continue that story now before the fans of this degrading fanfic die of anxiety from having to wait so long?"

"Hey, Byakuya called! He wants his hair products back!"

"...Low blow..."

* * *

_The first stop for the loyal knights Zangetsu and Hichigo was Shadowthorn Forest. Here th_e sun never managed to break through the thick foilage of the tree tops, so the forest was forever cast into darkness. It was next to impossible to navigate by one's self.

Hichigo whimpered, "I'm scared of the dark, ZanZan-chan!"

Zangetsu sighed, "You're a knight, right?"

"...Yes?"

"Then shut up and act like one or you can go home."

Hichigo pouted, "You don't have to be so mean about it."

Suddenly, from above them, a shadow whizzed by and connected to the nearest tree. Hichigo screamed and leapt off of his horse into Zangetsu's arms. The blackened figure zipped across to an opposing branch.

Zangetsu dropped Hichigo to the ground, "Are you the guardian of this forest?"

A pair of emerald-gleaming eyes shifted in the darkness steadily, "What if I am?"

"We must find our way to the other side. Can you help us?"

"At a price," the guardian hissed, never blinking, studying them carefully, "What do you have to offer me?"

"A sapphire of the purest kind."

"Mm... Very well."

Hichigo leapt up, "W-Wait ZanZan! We don't even know who this guy is!"

Zangetsu scoffed, "You need to read books more."

"Books are _boring_."

"That, right there, is the guardian of this forest."

As if on cue the black figure dove from the branch and landed on its hind legs before them, startling the horses. The guardian boasted wide, midnight wings and matching fur.

He tipped his chin up to get a better look at Hichigo from a grounded angle, "You may call me Ulquiorra."


End file.
